Anger management: how to get along with a temperamental man

Most women are familiar with situations where a husband literally explodes for any reason. In some families this happens rarely, in others it is quite common. Is it possible to build a happy family life next to a man who does not know how to control emotions? Do flashes of irritability always indicate a bad temper? Is it possible to soften the temperament of a man? How to send it to the "peaceful course"?
These and other questions are answered by coach, hypnotherapist Marina Rybnikova.
Marina Rybnikova

As a rule, women respond to husbands angry attacks in two ways:

- respond to evil words with retaliatory tricks; usually it ends with a serious squabble, quarrels, long spats. Over time, this style of communication alienates the spouses from each other, because each of them is burdened by a load of memories of the experienced insults;

- they try to smooth all corners - taking evil words seriously, these women try to smooth their non-existent guilt and please their husbands in everything in order to avoid similar outbreaks in the future. Such an approach negatively affects both partners: in a man he wakes up a tyrant who, meeting no resistance, will continue to torture his wife with petty quibbles, and condemns a woman to a life full of resentment and frustration.

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How to respond to rudeness

Husband made a scandal out of the blue and can not stop blaming you for every imaginable and inconceivable blunder? Take a deep breath and ... do not answer. Try not to take his words into your account - it is not he who is shouting, but his irritation, ego or restrained pride. Abstract from emotions and evaluate what is happening soberly and impartially in order to understand what really caused the outbreak of anger.

If you find it difficult to distract emotionally, mentally build a glass wall between you and your husband, which lets in positive emotions and repels negative things. This will help you maintain calmness and protect yourself from the destructive action of offensive words addressed to you.

Later, when the storm subsides, you need to discuss what is happening in order to develop a joint way to overcome this problem. Speak softly and kindly, do not reproach and do not blame: your goal is not to avenge the suffering, but to find out the cause of irritation and prevent the occurrence of similar outbreaks in the future.

Why does irritability arise and how to fight it?

Reason 1. Convenient style of behavior.

You tolerate, please and try to solve the problem peacefully, and your partner perceives it as permission to let go of your emotions. He doesn’t see anything wrong in raising a voice on you and stalling at any opportunity — it allows him to let off steam, and your feelings are not taken into account at all.

What to do?

If this is not the first time, it will be difficult to change the established tradition. A man got away with it more than once, and now you have to convince him that this should not continue any longer. Make new rules, according to which everyone who feels that he is ready to break free must “take a pause” - count to ten, wash or retire in another room until a wave of irritation subsides. Any serious conversations should be conducted only in a calm atmosphere and even voice.

Reason 2.Severe fatigue

Workaholics and people in positions of responsibility tend to underestimate their degree of fatigue. But it will surely manifest itself - either a deterioration of health, or problems with self-control. Nobody is insured from outbursts of anger on the grounds of overwork. Difficulties at work, reports, accidents and hundreds of other situations can provoke them.

What to do?

Gently and calmly explain to your husband that the family is not a place to dump the negative. Show how you appreciate his efforts at work, and suggest alternative ways to get rid of stress. Give a man his personal time that he can devote to relaxing activities: listen to music, take a shower, work out on simulators, or go for a run. Perhaps you decide to have a pet with which the spouse will be able to walk in the evenings, or make the habit of walking before going to bed - there are many options, and you just have to choose the one that best suits your husband. The main thing is that this action allows him to get rid of an excess of adrenaline and restore inner peace.

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Reason 3. Wrong way of life.

Losing sleep patterns, the abuse of tonic drinks and junk food lead to disorder in all systems of the body and inevitably affect the emotional state of a person.

What to do?

Start "useful" family rituals: early ascent, jogging, swimming, or regular walks. Revise the diet and, if possible, change it in the direction of more healthy and safe food. Do not try to break the existing structure in one day, introduce changes slowly but persistently, and reinforce them with the arguments of specialists. As soon as a man feels the real benefits of your “innovations,” he himself will happily follow them.

Reason 4. Lack of attention.

Often outbursts of irritation are an expression of accumulated resentment - you devote all your time and energy to raising children, working and doing housework, and the man feels abandoned and unnecessary.

What to do?

Consider whether you are attentive to your husband. Is romance gone from your relationship? Perhaps you should be temporarily distracted from work and devote more time to your spouse, for example, to go to the cinema or restaurant together, spend the weekend without children, or just talk in the evening over a cup of tea.

Any problem in a relationship is easily solved if both spouses want to live in love and prosperity. No matter how vigorous your partner may be, it is in your power to find the right approach to preserve peace and harmony in the family.

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