Does the principle "do you find yourself better" in practice?
The principle “somewhere grass is greener” we now use it much more often than, for example, the previous generation did, and when we met: I didn’t like the candidate, because some character traits disappointed you on the first date, you continue regret to look further.
And all these sayings about the “last trains” look like a complete absurdity today: what kind of “last” can we talk about when new options appear endlessly on the same dating sites and applications?
In psychology, it turns out, even such a syndrome, called Always Something Better Syndrome (ASBS), is registered - “the syndrome is always something better”. And it incites us to it - in love, in work, and even in the choice of clothes - our own pride, coupled with the passion and instinct of the hunter. Why spend money on something mediocre or settle for “good” when it can be “excellent”? Being a conformist and "good guy" in our time of innumerable opportunities seems, if not wrong,then at least a boring form of existence.
The feeling that somewhere around the corner exactly hides a better option, "warmed" and modern technology. Just imagine how many potential partners your grandmother might have hypothetically met at your age in one day - maybe with ten, for example, if on that day she got into a new team at work, enrolled in a sports section or went to a dance?
And now analyze how many potential partners you can theoretically meet if in the first half of the day you turn on the Tinder dating application in Moscow and start a conversation with several candidates in the chat, and in the evening take the high-speed train to St. Petersburg, and there besides the application for Dating, use the city poster and go first to a trendy film show or exhibition, and then to two or three parties in a row?
Certainly, no matter how much we complain about the quality of the “proposal” of potential candidates, it is present in a rather extensive form, and if you wish, you can really look for “better” infinitely.Maybe this is the problem of modern relations between M and F?
Psychologists say that the above-described “syndrome is always something better” in private life does not just push us to be more selective in connections, but sometimes makes us, in principle, reject serious relationships.
That is, we exist next to a person and today he is quite happy with us, but for tomorrow, namely for the wedding, the family and the legendary “we lived happily and happily died in one day” we do not plan this particular character. Why? Because somewhere is better
We seem to be confronting ourselves: it seems we are in a long relationship, but we assure ourselves that this is just an “intermediate stop”, and in the future we will certainly build an alliance even better than the present one, stronger and more harmonious. And for such situations, the best really turns out to be the enemy of the good, because the mythical partner more suitable to us, whom we plan to meet in the future, like a shadow looms over the present partner - we strictly judge his actions, more often criticize him, raise the bar of our own requirements.
Having conceived an attractive unattainable goal, we disregard what is available to us. This conclusion was made by scientists of the University of Texas, who not only could prove how “the syndrome is always something better” detrimental effect on the novel you already have, but also found out that the very awareness of our popularity in the “marriage market” makes you doubt in that we made the right choice. Scientists interviewed dozens of couples in long-term relationships about their plans for the future, and then evaluated each partner and partner according to the attractiveness rating as a potential spouse / spouse (not only appearance, but also level of education, financial viability, health ). It turned out that those who scored a high rating, that is, turned out to be a “man of dreams” or a “woman of dreams”, admitted after the results were announced that they had doubts that their current partner is their final choice. We can say that a banal registration on a dating site can give us a similar feeling - they hung a good photo, and compliments with hearts were already poured.You must admit that in such a situation, realizing that you are a “tidbit”, it’s hard not to believe that somewhere no less than perfect is stored for you somewhere.
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