How to stop worrying about contrived problems and obsessive thoughts

Only a year later, Tanya learned that the young man did not regret anything and was not even angry with her: “Well, consider it, I just helped the girl financially. She is not yet ready for a relationship. In the end, animals are not so bad. "

What are some of the problems that arise? Why do they interfere with normal communication? Why prohibit act and make suffer? Why do we mercilessly have to wind ourselves up, as if we do not love ourselves at all?

How to stop worrying about contrived problems and obsessive thoughts

It is all about fears and complexes that suddenly surface in unpredictable situations. And far-fetched problems are most often fueled by these fears. And completely different.

Let's look at examples

Fear of non-conformity to the ideal

In Tanya's situation, we see a vivid set of guilt: "For a long time I spoiled my mood. Questioned our friendship. How could I? ”

Fear of loneliness

"I gave my friend a gift, and she somehow very dryly thanked me. She probably doesn't like me; I probably tired her and she does not want to be friends with me any more. But I will not speak to her about my sufferings. And then I'll seem strange and I will definitely be without friends. "

Later, the girl finds out that she really liked the gift to her friend, and dry gratitude turned out to be pure coincidence. Was this experience worth the effort?

Fear of betrayal

“My last few talks to me. Everything in the phone and computer is sitting. Probably changes. We'll have to follow him now. Around the clock! Until I find out who she is! ”

The girl does not sleep at night, worries, monitors her husband's correspondence, finds nothing, but blames herself for his possible changes. My husband does not ask for anything. After some time, she accidentally learns that he had problems with his parents at that moment. And he, too, was silent as a partisan.

How to stop worrying about contrived problems and obsessive thoughts

Winding up a problem occurs when a person fails to resolve a problem situation and doesn’t go to find out what happened. All this is hampered by a strong emotion that breaks through into consciousness in the form of obsessive thoughts.And we understand that something bad is going on with us, but we can do nothing. All this limits us, makes us do strange things, such as meaningless rituals, leading to the aggravation of the situation and new identical conflicts.

What to do?

Analyze the situations in which artificial problems appear. Are these situations similar?

  • If there are many contrived problems, they are different in content, arise in different situations and it is difficult to find their cause - your fears are unconscious and hidden in the subconscious. And the mechanism of inflating problems can reach enormous proportions. In this case, it takes a lot of work to understand your fears. And this is done with the help of psychotherapy.
  • If the situations are similar and you understand the reasons for inflating alarms, you can work on the problem yourself.

Let us examine with examples how to do this.

Example number 1

"I get panic when my friends do not call / write for a long time. As for acquaintances, parents, children, there are no such experiences. "

  • We turn on the will and stop the obsession that prevents us from thinking effectively.
  • We analyze the situation. A friend does not call, does not write. What do I feel about it? What she throws me.That I will be alone, without female support. That I so lose all my friends.
  • Give the name of fear. In this case, it is the fear of loneliness or the fear of being left without friendship.
  • We admit to ourselves that the fear of loneliness, like other fears, is natural.
  • We ask ourselves a question and try to give a reasonable answer to it: "What can I do to somehow correct, but not spoil the situation? For example, I will call or write myself. "

How to stop worrying about contrived problems and obsessive thoughts

Example number 2

"I feel terrible shame when people whom I recommend to someone do not behave very well."

  • We turn on the will and stop the obsession that prevents us from thinking effectively.
  • We analyze the situation. The man I recommended behaved terribly. What I feel? Shame. Why shame? Because I thought I was not mistaken in people. And here was wrong. So, I'm worse than I used to think about myself?
  • Give the name of fear. In this case, it is the fear of inconsistency with the ideal.
  • We admit to ourselves that the fear of inconsistency with the ideal, like other fears, is natural. Ideals do not exist, and everyone has the right to make mistakes. Yes, even a hundred and a thousand mistakes! We are all people, and no one has yet canceled the human factor. And by the way, why am I sure this is a mistake? Maybe others think otherwise?
  • We ask ourselves a question and look for the answer: “And what can I do to somehow fix it, but not to spoil the situation? For example, look at this situation through the eyes of another person. Maybe he liked everything? Maybe he is not as sensitive as I, and easier to relate to such things? Maybe it's time to find out the truth? Call and get feedback? Without it, I don’t know anything. ”

Additional methods of inhibiting obsessive thoughts

  • Switching attention to something positive. The child does not want to clean up the toys. No, he does not mock you. Let go of the situation and switch to the nice little things: drink a cup of hot cocoa, call a friend.
  • Direction of thought in a positive direction. Did the chief shout at you again? No, he doesn't want to fire you. His character is so nervous, and every day to make important decisions is a strain for the psyche. See how lucky you are that you are not in his place - you are much calmer, you have more free time, you do not need to think about work all the time.
  • Breathing exercises. The guy after the date you did not write? No, this does not mean that you are indifferent to him. Maybe something distracted him.Stand tall, take a short breath and exhale slowly. Repeat the exercise several times. This breathing will calm the nervous system and switch you to more useful things.


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