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See What Happens When a Guy Tries to Make DIY Holiday Gifts From Pinterest

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I used to think homemade gifts are dumb. Don't get me wrong, I still think that. I'll probably get more use out of a DVD or a tie than I will some weird-ass snow globe you made in your basement. I used to think they were a cop-out though. They're not. A snow globe is still dumb, but it takes a lot of hours, and it's definitely a lot easier to head over to Walmart and pick upJingle All the Way 2.

I tried to reproduce five Pinterest crafts, thinking this would be easy. It's not. It's hell. Hell is other people's crafts.

1. Ring Bowl

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Some of these crafts went south fast, but I totally crushed this one. In the span of an hour, I went from not knowing what a ring bowl was to making one of the best ones I'd ever seen (I got to see three ring bowls during that hour). This one wasn't too tough because it's pretty much just rolling a bunch of clay together and minimal painting. This is something anyone with hands and the motor skills of the average 6-year-old can do.

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The best part? I only had red and white clay, so the end results looked like uncooked meat. It's a meat bowl. It's not perfect, but it is the closest to perfection a human being will ever get.

2. Olaf Snow Globe

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RIP Olaf. Things started out pretty great. Apparently, you're supposed to use a plastic snow manfor this one, but I had some extra clay and a lot of gumption, so I just went for it. My initial Olaf turned out pretty good...

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...ignoring the fact that his head fell off and I had to hot glue-gun it back on.

Unfortunately, it all fell apart (literally) the second I tried to incorporate it into an actual snow globe. Water leaked everywhere, Olaf broke apart, and the entire thing wound up looking like something you'd find in a serial killer's fridge.

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3. Some Dumb Stocking

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This involved a lot of painstaking sewing and I broke the thread three times without getting very far.

So then I tried stapling.

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And then I decided that sucked too and wound up just glue-gunning it. Then I tried sewing together the various pieces of sweater, which wound up being a lot easier after I realized the thread I was using was actually lots of little threads together. I managed to attach the pieces, but I still hate sewing.

The actual stocking looks great, but I hate knowing someone out there is better at stuff than me.

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4. A Candle Jar You Can Write On With Chalk

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This started out great. I free-handed a baller-as-hell heart stencil and got ready to spray paint this thing. And then the spray paint can broke immediately. We'll never know just how great this could have turned out, but it was probably going to look amazing.

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If you squint as you're looking at this, and then, while you're squinting, a hawk flies into a face and mauls you, you wouldn't even be able to tell which one was the original.

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5. The Worst Christmas Card Ever

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Supposedly, I should have had a bone folder for this project. Best I can tell, it would've allowed me to easily fold this construction paper at an angle, instead of the way my dumb ass did it: just straight, square folds. The result is like a Christmas tree exploding in a vague approximation of some kind of 3-D model of superpositions. Also, it started falling apart and I burned my fingers on the hot glue.

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Eventually, I tried to just light it on fire but got yelled at, because apparently "this office doesn't allow trash can fires."

Overall, I was only able to do one of these crafts in a way that I wouldn't describe as "embarrassing" and that was a bowl a drunk kindergartener could do blindfolded. I would much rather spend money as opposed to spending hours making things that look like the three-headed gopher the creepy kid wills into existence in thatTwilight Zoneepisode.

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Don't make crafts, unless you want to make a snow globe filled with your own tears.







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Date: 13.12.2018, 07:40 / Views: 45364